Parenting With A Purpose

Posted Posted by kenyanmom in Featured Mom, Mom Stories, The Mom Life     Comments 2 comments

I have always said that my life lessons come from the strangest and sometimes unintentional circumstances. Jackie and I met to discuss business. I however ended up getting parenting advise from this mama, who, believe me, can literally take you to school on parenting.

It was a weekend and Jackie came for the meeting a few minutes late. She told me that she had to take Eddie, her 10 year old son to her sister’s place. Eddie was going to spend the weekend with her sister’s children. They had some reading to do, and her sister was coaching Eddie on maths. ‘Can’t you do it?’ Was my first question. She can, she informed me. She however prefers it when her sister does it. Mostly because her sister’s children are much older and she wants Eddie to be around them. ‘I choose the families that I want my son to associate with’. She told me. This sounded a little elitist, but after I heard her reasons, not only was I impressed but I understood where she was coming from.

Jackie is a single parent. She has had to bring up her son all by herself. A job she is very proud of. One thing that she clearly admits is that children, especially sons, require a father figure in their lives. Jackie’s brother in law has been the father figure in Eddie’s life. ‘Parenting is not a reactive job’, she told me. ‘You have to be proactive right from the beginning. The mistake we make as parents is to assume that children do not have the capacity to understand or follow rules. In the real sense, children thrive on rules and guidelines. That includes schedules.’ This the same advice that I had been given by another friend of mine.

Jackie has always made sure that Eddie has a schedule, right from when he was a toddler. The schedule mostly was for the sake of the nanny, but as Eddie grew up, scheduling stuck and it was much easier. As a salon owner, Jackie is forced to work long hours, and even leave the house quite early. ‘Without schedules, things would run amock in the house’ she told me. We have always blamed the help for problems in the house, but I think if we took time out to create schedules, things would be quite leveled. ‘We assume nannys will do what we want, the way we want it done. That they will bring up our children exactly the way they want us to do it. Nannys are not you. The children belong to the parents! Create schedules that will be followed to the letter. Exactly what you want done. That reduces instances of misunderstandings and your child will not be left wanting or lost.’

This makes sense, doesn’t it? What easier way to have your household and your child running as you expect than with schedules? In the end, we did discuss business. That was about one hour later. The most important lesson I took out of that meeting was that parenting doesn’t just happen. Neither is it reactive. Once you acquire the title of a parent, then you have to parent with a purpose. A goal in mind. Otherwise you will end up feeling lost and overwhelmed. You can imagine what will happen to your child then.

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2 Comments to “Parenting With A Purpose”

  • Schedules – without these we are just courting chaos. I cannot remember who it was that once said : If you fail to plan then you plan to fail. Our little people are quicker at learning and fitting into schedules than we imagine. This is because it gives them a sense of security with that which is familiar

    • Couldn’t have put it better myself! Junior and I have fitted so well into schedules it almost becomes a dance :)

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