I Want To Be A Dad Some Day
Posted by kenyanmom in 
Before I start this blog post, I should probably give you a heads up; this is my first time blogging. So the next question is, why now? Well, I lost a game of chicken to @thekenyanmom. She had dared me to check out of my room with the hotel’s bathrobe in my person. What can I say, blogging seems like a bargain to as compared that, no? Actually, I’m bribing her but don’t tell her. Moving along; I’m a young man and an aspiring parent….if there is such a thing. Not many men my age out there would publicly admit to this, but there you go. I hope to one day be father, a dad and parent……bring up my brood and proudly say I did something worthwhile on my stay on this here earth.
I have had quite a number of ‘fights’ (which I lost) with the Kenyanmom over the fact that this platform locks out the involvement of dads. ‘…..start your own for dads platform…’, she says. Well I just might, but that’s a discussion for another day. So where was I…….I am an aspiring father, yes and I hope to have a brood of my own someday.
Am at that age where my aunts have started to pull me aside ‘to talk’ and mischievously sneak in the ‘when are we eating your rice’ question, of which I would reply ‘am actually working on it’. This happens at family gatherings, plus I have five aunts and the last of my age mate cousins just married the other day. Beautiful bride, beautiful wedding; she is Rwandese….she says my name funny, then again I can’t pronounce her name without my mother tongue’s attempt to intervene…… Anyways, PRESSURE!!
But truthfully, am working on it. Thing is, I worry a little about parenthood. My biggest worry would be damaging my kids psychologically or something. Yes, I fear the fact that I might not empower my kids enough to be the best they can be in life; what would be a parent’s duty if not that. I did a small poll on the fears of parenthood among my yet to enter that ‘tax bracket’ friends. Well the responses were as interesting as they can be: some said they feared their kids would be slow at school, social awkwardness, skin colour, kids growing up to hate them as parents……..you name it. What are your fears? Ask among your peers and see what comes up.
As a consolation, I think I will have done my job as a parent if my daughter and son don’t end up as props on Naswa (harsh?).
In other news, I have this recurring nightmare of my three year old daughter cleaning my iPad along with the utensils in her attempt to prove how all grown she is……. *gasp* Allow me to recover the color on my face……
Children Giving Back – Lead By Example
The other day, I took time off from work to help my son prepare to go back to school. I did not expect much productivity from the day. I was mentally prepared to do the basics – check home work, do shopping, have that parent – child talk to motivate him and keep him on track as he gets into a new term. I find the talk part to be very important because it is at such talks that a parent is able to know if the child is on or off track and take the appropriate action before it is too late.
After what I saw as a successful talk, we decide to visit the barber in the neighborhood and since it is just a few metres from the house we decided to walk. Just nearing the exit to the gated community, there was a small boy literally under a car eating a snack. I asked him ‘mbona unakula chini ya gari’ (why are you eating from under the car). His reply? Sitaki kuombwa (I don’t want to share). While digesting that, as we walked a little further I noticed another group of kids, riding their bikes. I then had a flash back of back in the day when all kids would ride the bike. The haves and the have nots were equal but in today’s world, if you do not have, too bad you cannot be assisted, remarks my son echoed.
I then asked my son; why is it that other children no longer come to our house as they used to last year and the year before that? He replied, ‘Their parent told kids not to go to other people’s houses, not to eat in other peoples houses etc. I have no illusions of the world that we are living in. I know there are people out there who may give our children things to eat or drink with not so noble of intentions at heart but seriously, is the end result worth it?
When growing up kids do two things, what their parents want them to do and what they see their parents doing. We have all heard, it is hard to teach an old dog new tricks. This saying according to me means, if you want to teach a dog tricks, do it when it is young. Same applies to our kids, the habits and values we instil in them when they are kids are most likely to be carried forward to old age and to generations that come after them.
For a child to decide to hide underneath a car so as not to share his snack, is it that the parent told the child he will be beaten if he shares or does he see the parents hide things when visitors are around or about to come? If the child can not share his snacks, will he give an extra pencil to another student who forgot his at home? Not that I am blowing my own horn, but every year, my son takes out all his clothes and sorts them. The ones which are small, he puts them aside and communicates his intentions to donate the items to those in need. He is only 7, and he has such a heart of helping, but in the estate, how many such kids are there?
We cannot blame the children for what they do or what they do not do. The blame lies mostly with the parents. It is what the parents do or say that makes the children do what they do. It is in giving that people receive. If we do not instil that in our children now, they will ‘not receive’ and will be termed selfish in that they will not be able to share any material things with anyone else even when the other person is in need. He will also not share knowledge amongst peers. Worst scenario is, your child, letting another child engage in harmful behavior because ‘he doesn’t care’ It is the small things that count. It is a wild world out there and how you shape your child to be will determine whether they are able to manage or not. Assuming a child leaves his lunch at home, will he stay hungry all day just because YOU told your child not to share? Do those from the disadvantaged backgrounds really have hope given that our children are becoming less of givers every day? Let us make it clear when it comes to giving, and give them that opportunity to make the decision on their own. If they start giving now, what will stop them from tithing when they grow up?
Next Time: Introducing Money and Finance To Your Child
Why I Strive To Expose My Son To Technology
Let us start today’s post with a question – If you had a chance to change one thing in your life as you grew up, something that was not available to you then but is available now, what would it be? Another question, what is that one thing which most of us can’t do without?
If I had a chance to have what is available now, back in the day, I would go for exposure in technology. Back then, the only ‘technology’ around was the black and white TV or the radio which at that time was not a cheap affair and all you could do was listen to it or watch. If you dared touch the box, you would get a proper beating. Some of our mums were also not allowed to operate the gadget, they were expensive and rare and a pride to the man of the house. That said, my desire to know how a TV or radio worked was non-existent. It was so bad, I actually thought there were tiny people in the plastic casing talking. When I got lucky as spotted an innovation, it wouldn’t last for long and the few minutes it lasted I would be completely amazing by the innovation not having any time left to explore.
Fast forward to today. When my son was barely 5 years old, he sent me a text. I for the longest time thought someone was playing games then I saw him do it himself. I was amazed. I asked him who taught him how to text he said; he saw people doing it and so did it. Just by seeing, he developed the curiosity and interest and given the availability of a device to play around with, he was able to maneuver around the phone. With time, he could see the differences and similarities with different brands and the champ can text faster than me, almost, with better grammar of-course and also do things for my parents which they cant do on their own.
I bought my nephew a phone when he was 6, a move, many saw as not wise but I have come to learn that, that was one of the best moves I ever made. I am yet to understand why his phone is always off and only turns it on when he wants to text or call then off ………………. My friends daughter who is barely 1 year old, has already figured out that a remote is used to control the TV and with time she was able to switch the TV on or OFF and even change channels.
With technology, our kids may get exposed to so many things which are not right for their age. For example, a kid who has access to an ipad or a mobile phone that has access to the internet can end up coming across things like porn, but I believe they will only do so when they are made aware that such content exists, either from seeing their parents or siblings engaging or friends talking about it.
The Jubilee government promised every class 1 kid a laptop. Many see it as an over ambitious plan. However as a parent who by the way all kids are past class one, I welcome the move based on what I have seen explore technology and seen what it has done to my kids and other kids.
It is through such exposure, they come to have clearer and a more diverse career path. When we were young, we wanted to be teachers, pilots, doctors but was it because of genuine interest or that is what we were exposed to then? The community made it look like for you to drive a car, dress well etc, there were some professions you had to be in. When a child is exposed to say a computer, his/her interests to become a computer scientist may be generated. That will give our children a better chance to make a more informed choice in their desired career paths so that, they do not have the problem we have now of over educated people lacking jobs. The exposure also makes them naturally sharp and aware, if a child is exposed to say an iPad, he will know the more you use it, the faster it drains charge. He may go further to even know what will make it drain charge faster than what. He will in turn grow up conscious and aware of things which are applicable in life such as the more you eat, the more you will refill or shop for your kitchen.
In addition to generating interest, the exposure will also make the kids appreciate innovation, provoke their creative minds and get them to put on their thinking caps and use that combination in future to make the world a better place by increasing their knowledge base.
Curiousity killed the cat, they say but I believe that it was how the cat dealt with curiosity that made its life suddenly cut short. The lives of our children when exposed to technology will greatly rely on what they do with it as individuals but as parents we have a key role in ensuring they put the information gathered to the right use and most importantly appreciate to not under or over utilize resources within their reach.
Next Time: Children Giving Back – Lead By Example
Is The Education System Failing Our Children?
My son enjoys going to school. He has this drive within him I am not sure where it came from but it is common amongst school going kids. Is it that they are too young to not have a choice and like school or did things change somewhere along the way?
When I was a kid I did not look forward to going to school, when I was at school, my friends would make it worthwhile but the waking up early in the morning, the assignments made me hate school. Truth be told, if I had a choice I would have skipped university altogether, but try telling a parent this when you are a child. If you get out of it alive, you will still go through university, and by whatever means, they will get you there and keep you there!
Fast forward to the man I am today, what puts food on my table has nothing to do with the education I got especially in the university level. The things which I was forced to cram so as to pass exams in primary and secondary level, a big percentage of it remains unused. I still wait for the day, I will balance a chemical reaction in my day job. Other things taught yet to be applied include: using the litmus paper, finding x….
From where I stand, a majority of those working are not in fields directly related to what they studied. Others others are still pounding pavement looking for jobs in their fields of study. That leaves me wondering. Is the education system failing our children? I may have things for me and my family sorted out but what about my kids? Is there a way that our education system can be crafted to seem practical in today’s living?
I learnt things which to date I have never applied, our children are learning the same things. As I grew up, I was of the idea that the education system is not relevant and outdated. That was me years back. I still am of the same opinion but kids learn the same things we learnt. Maybe I learnt things before my time and maybe the things they are learning now are relevant now. I get so confused by this sometimes! LOL
In my view, education is not really the direct key to success. People have done and continue to do things with a very poor educational background. Great things. Others have the education in their head and have not used it to benefit themselves or their country. So it will not be correct to say education is useless or useful. However, it will be correct to say that the quality and content of education makes it useful or useless in an individuals life. We have a vision 2030, in 17 years, we will be there, if implemented to the letter, it will open up opportunities that our 13year olds and below will now enjoy. It then means, by all means, tilt the interest levels to be in line with the direction the country is taking working with projections of the day in the future. I know of people who were forced to be ‘doctors’ and after 2 years of practice and millions of kenya shillings pumped into it, they abandon their job to follow their heart. That is why I am saying developing interest.
Developing interest and forcing it are two different things. When we get exposed to something and we enjoy it, an interest is developed. People make misinformed choices because they lack enough options and there is nothing wrong with opening their eyes and letting them make more informed decisions then.
The education system alone will not give our children the future we work tirelessly for them to have unless reviewed, but we can play a complementary role as parents and make them better people, who will make better decisions with the education they have.
Next Time: Why I Strive To Expose My Son To Technology
Parenting A Girl vs Parenting A Boy – A Dad’s Perspective
‘Go ye forth and populate the world’ God said to Adam and a long story later, here we are today, our great grandparents filled and came to life our grandparents later filled and came to life our parents who also filled and we were added to the statistics of the population of the country and for someone of us, we have filled and continue to fill while others are working on soon filling.
Getting children of your own is a beautiful thing. You come home and the little ones put a smile on your face, they become annoying as they grow up yet, they are still the best people in your life. Life without the little rascals is unimaginable. Regardless of how many hairs they make you pull off, or how much you grey out, you can never trade them for anything.
Kids come from all angles. There are those who are planned and others are accidents. Some couples get the urge to have a baby and work towards it. Some genuinely, some influenced by underlying issues like, I want to get ‘my mum’ or ‘dad’. When an accident happens the news is broken when least expected, ‘By the way babe, we need a bigger, safer car’ a statement which can stress a man who did not see it coming or make one happy who has tried and finally was able to get his beloved pregnant.
9 months later a baby comes to life. We are sadly moving too fast in the digital world, some cherished moments get to be missed. When I was a kid, my dad would take photos, and when I would misbehave, he would find a way of making me see them and somehow that would get me to behave. In today’s world it is a little hard, unless you (cringe) ask your child to add you as a Facebook friend or give them a gadget.
Kids are very observant as they grow up. It all starts from birth where all they can do when awake is either stare at something, breast feed or cry the house down. They take note of things which they get to adapt in the future. Kids look up to their parents. Every parent is a hero and the best the world can offer. With this mindset it then means, that what mummy or daddy says or does is the naked God’s truth. Whether good or bad!
From a father’s point of view, parenting a boy may be easy since you passed through most of what they have gone or will go through and maybe you got to learn some secrets to deal with unique issues but as we grow up, new problems come to light and our solution models become outdated. Your attitude to women, those in and out of your life is a habit your child will pick up. That is why there is even a saying like father, like son. If you mistreat women, yell at the Mrs, etc, the boy will follow suit when he grows up. If you treat your wife like the queen of your life, the ladies your son will cross paths with will be the luckiest on earth. You don’t believe me, do this simple self check test. How does your father relate with your mum? How did your grandpa relate with grandma? I say did because the relations is a curve, if it is bad, a party either walks away or decides not to cry about it anymore, live with it as if it is the norm. Also with age, a time comes when all you have left is your wife so you have to come back home.
When a parenting a girl, as a dad, we are more or less doing a chemistry experiment which has the potential to burst into flames. First, unless the father was brought up in the midst of girls it will be very hard for him to understand and attend to issues faced and generated by the girl child. The father, who is the closest male figure to her can rewire her just by his actions. He can make her emotions softer or harder and while he may not be a beneficiary of habits picked up, the men in her life will be and it will also determine her tolerance level to nonsense. In some cases, some women who have pledged never to get married. This is not because they do not want to but they fear they will have what their mums had for a husband.
Parenting is not getting a baby, naming them, feeding them, educating them, it is all goes to the final product. What kind of person did you bring to the world. Habits will be picked and dropped, good things may be turned to look good and vice versa all depending on how the father plays they dad card. While it requires a lot of getting used to or learning for the dad to parent his little girl, nature has it that he will find his way, if he is determined. Over and above that, asking for advice from mom, friends or older women does go a long way in helping dad parent his daughter.
Next Time: Is Our Education System Failing Our Children?
The Journey To Marriage
Marriage, in its simplicity, means two becoming one. This means that we work to share our commonalities as well as differences. To get to the ‘We Do’ is a process. A step by step process and this is how I see it:
Step 1: Meet and take time to know each other. In the current world of instant gratification, it does pay to learn who you are committing to spend the rest of your life with. This only happens when you do not decide to get married within the first 2 months of meeting. I do not care what people say, about instantly knowing that you are already in love. My friends, you are in lust. If after 6 months you still feel the connection, then you can move to step 2.
Step 2: You have sufficiently begun knowing who your soon to be life partner is. The quirks, the annoyances, the wonderful things that he/she does. Now accept them as they are. You met when you are adults. To think that you will change someone once you get married is setting yourself up for disappointment. Do your review and decide whether you can live with the annoyances. If not, get out while the getting is still good. Otherwise, move on to Step 3.
Step 3: Share your fears, hopes, dreams (including how many children you would like) and pasts. You will want to say that the past has no basis on the present. But it does! You are choosing to trust your partner completely. Why then would you not want to share your past, especially if you know it has the potential to ruin your future? This is where I get to give you keen advise. When your partner discloses something that happened in the past, no matter how irate it gets you, remember it is in the past. They chose to tell you, when thy would have decided to keep it to themselves. This is not to be brought up in future ‘disagreements’, or be used to undermine them. Remember…, two become one. You are supposed to have each other’s back. We all need to feel understood. Now we are ready for step 4.
Step 4: Trust your partner. They have shared their deepest fears, past, some not so pleasant behaviors. You have chosen to take them as they are. You are ready to move on to the next big step, which is all out live together. You will need to realize that your partner will have friends, business associates and friends of friends, who are not married. Give them the benefit of doubt. You are not your partner’s past. You are their present. Do not use the past to start mistrusting them. Not until they give you a reason to. On to Step 5.
Step 5: Marriage: The next big discussion. You will need to decide what works for both of you, in terms of finances and comfort. A simple wedding, vows exchanged at th Attorney General’s chambers, a ‘Com and See’ wedding.. It makes all the difference. Then go ahead and tie the knot! Congratulations! You have started your lives together! Remember, you are looking to make your relationship work. The marriage is between 2 people. Leave your marriage between you two. It is not a social gathering, where you air out all your clean and dirty laundry.
Next Time: Parenting A Boy vs Parenting A Girl. A Dad’s Perspective
How To Treat Your Woman
Let us call a spade a spade. How often do you walk around the city, spot a lady who is beautiful and appealing to the eyes. The devil in you says ‘oh my’ but the angel in you reminds you that you are a man to someone, someone who thinks the world of you? If you are not lucky, she will end up being the neighbour’s wife, just to spice up the temptation.
A farmer has to plant a seed, water it, be patient and after sometime, he will have a fruit which he can choose to eat, feed his people or sell. In layman terms, one reaps what they sow. Do these statements sound familiar?
‘ You do not call’
‘You are not giving me attention’
‘I feel as if I am single’
These are just a few statements men seem to hear every so often. Some of them are well deserved. Others are as a result of simple miscommunication. For example, a man wakes up at 4am, he doubles up as a matatu tout, he does his shift from 5am – 8am, reports to work at 8.30am – 5pm, goes back to the matatu hustle from 6pm – 11pm. All this so that he and his partner and maybe kids live a comfortable life. Is it fair then for the woman in his life to shout ‘I am not getting enough attention’ yet to him, he is doing it all for her? During the morning or evening matatu gig, a small girl wants to board the matatu, he lifts the girl up and gets her into the matatu. A friend to the Mrs sees this and all hell breaks loose. Conclusion? You have children with other people, you take your other children to school and you can not even take yours etc’. Sounds far fetched and believe me, this is a whole topic on it’s own. The fact is, it is because of women, we men have come this far (pardon the near pun). It is because of them some of us are sorted inside out, it is because of them, we have added or lost a few kilos. It is because of them, we have a shoulder to lean on and an arm to rely on to pick us up when you fall and the same arm will dust you off. It is because of women, we are able to add the title dad to our names and it is because of their amazing work, we end up being respectable people in the society because we have well behaved kids, who are a resource of value to the great nation.
As much as it is never a smooth ride, regardless of what is thrown at you physically or emotionally, women DESERVE to be treated with love and respect. If it wasn’t for a woman, you wouldn’t be where you are today and if it is not for the woman in you life now, your kids will not enjoy their tomorrow as resourceful, responsible, hard working and all rounded individuals.
Listen to her, women are good at holding things in. I know this first hand because when I get into an argument with @thekenyanmom and we get into an exchange match, once she is in full gear she will not quit. She will go on and on and on saying, ‘do you remember this, do you remember that’. My mum gets even more precise. Her recaps come complete with dates and time. Now, as much as men complain that women keep grudges, I think, they ‘do so’ because they lack an outlet stream for their thoughts and emotions. If we men would let women express what is in their minds more often, as it is, when it is, the issue of keeping grudges would not be there.
It is human, when you are attacked with allegations you hit the roof and some of us (read me) do more than hit the roof, we break it and the walls too. COMMUNICATE. Make them understand and regardless of the fire she is breathing she will listen. When our kids are too young to even express how they are feeling, the woman is able to read and understand the non verbal communication so words should never be a problem.
Make time for her. True, you might be busy but she too has a life. Your kids never go to bed hungry with their homework not checked. She manages to keep the house in order and still juggle her other engagements of being a bread winner and a wife. Women are obviously good at multi-tasking, but what about taking her out for dinner every so often? What about calling to check up on her and telling her she is dearly missed? What about surprising her with breakfast in bed? A disclaimer h ere is if you know you are not good in the kitchen make sure you have a working fire extinguisher and ENO at hand! What about asking her how her day was, what about getting her out of bed to go watch a movie when the kids are asleep? How bout spicing up your bedroom life so that she ….
Speaking of sex, it is one thing for a man to enjoy the sex it is another for the lady to enjoy. It goes above the orgasm. Just because you reached your pick and had your 2 minutes of fame, doesn’t mean your woman should be left hanging. What about getting her gifts, kissing her and hugging her every day. If she doesn’t drive, what about picking her up from work when your work schedule allows, reminding her she is beautiful and that you are the luckiest man alive to have her?
Small gestures that go a long way. You don’t need to be treated like a king to make her your queen but you can treat her like the queen she really is and you will be her and always the man of her dreams. The man she adores!
Next Time… Thinking About Raising A Family. MUST We Get Married?
Standing Up For Our African Mothers
On 5th February as I was loitering around the twitter streets trying to catch up with the daily happening, I saw a tweet from THE KENYAN MOM. It was about this charity walk event. I do not work out. I have tried starting but sadly it has not taken off. I always console myself with the fact that it all starts in the head. So a charity walk, good stuff but there was no way my unfit self would go walk. I therefore decided to do the next best thing. I got to my phone and sent a donation using M-PESA. After sending the donation, I decided to find out more details. The Chase Group Foundation had partner with AMREF to raise funds through the walk which will be used to train 15,000 midwives by 2015 who will in turn reduce maternal deaths by 25%. It is approximated that 1 midwife will attend to 500 women. The painful statistics of 200,000 kids dying annually as a result of compromised health care, the shocking statistics of 1.5 million children left motherless all because the quality of the healthcare available is wanting as a result of non skilled, professional and with trained personnel the stats will soon read 0.
You are able to read this post because your mother was fortunate enough to get proper healthcare. Some of you, your mothers couldn’t access proper health care but you were lucky, all the same. Now imagine if you or your mother had died. Reflect on the value and joy you and your mother have brought to the nation, to your friends, to your family. All that could just be a rumor. That harsh reality, made me make a decision. In addition to the money I sent as my donation, I decided to make my way to Ngong Sanctuary on the 9th February and I would walk even if it meant a 42km walk to save a mother and a kid who are in dire need. On 8th February 2013, I got my kit, on 9th, I did the walk and once I crossed the 10 KM mark I was content I had done my part in saving an African mother and the child. If only 20 million other Kenyans would have done the same, the world would soon have been a better place to be.
The need of proper healthcare during delivery is key. Women continue to die and their kids as well due of lack of proper healthcare. Others die because of lack of blood. As much as we have initiative like Wanadamu that strive to bridge the gap between those in need of blood and blood, having these 15,000 women trained will drastically reduce the need of blood as a result of child birth complications.
Chase Group Foundation is committed to empowering women and improving the lives of those in need. They have visited children homes, they have rehabilitated maternity wards and they have also sponsored projects to produce low cost sanitary towels. I guess that made them the perfect partners and also gave me the confidence that my monetary donations will not be misused and my efforts will bear fruits. The stand up for African Women is an initiative of Amref is committed to improving access to reproductive health services. A cause that was well worth my while.
What Women Need To Understand About Men
Every so often, my friends and I meet up. We happen to be fathers and husbands. Only two or three of those in our group are not yet fathers. Unlike what most men talk about, that is sports, cars, gadgets etc, our meet-up is more or less an escape route from reality. As men enjoy whatever drink they prefer at the met up, they talk about women. Not the hot waitress or that new follower on Twitter or that dazzling Facebook Profile but women who are committed to making their stay on earth a living hell – their better halves. The man will be venting about the wife and how her actions end up affecting the relationship with the children. What kind of message does such talk send to those who are not yet married but had high hopes of doing so?
It is only by understanding how men think and process different things that women and men can happily co-exist, with men being home more for their better halves and children, without any added drama.
It is important to understand that whether women realise it or not, men are wired differently and this means they do things differently. In a basic highlight, these are the things I see that cause the greatest conflict in relationships:
Individual Upbringing – A man is who he is mostly because of how he was brought up. If he grew up knowing that doing a b c means e f g then it is very likely that the same will be applied when he is all grown up e.g when a man says I will call when I am able to and he doesn’t call, it only means he hasn’t caught a break. This is not a reason for the woman his life to start world war 7.
Comparisons – There is nothing men hate more than comparison that women tend to engage in. Comparing your man to your male friends men or your ex(es) is plain disrespectful. You will not enjoy when that is done to you so do not do it to your man.
Ill Applied Advice and Expectations – Women are known for sharing. They share their problems with their friends and some of those friends do more than just listen. They give you a ‘solution’ which may not necessarily work for you. I get home as late as 11pm from work. Your friend’s husband gets home late from say a bar. Your friend locks him out of the house and he learns from his mistake and never repeats again. Does that mean I deserve the exact same treatment? Truth is, if you try that on me, I will go sleep elsewhere. Not out of spite but because I am too tired for drama! Same applies with expectations. Just because your friends husband does a b c for her doesn’t mean you should force your man to do it. You will enjoy whatever a man gives when it is sincere, straight from his heart and not because of undue pressure. Not every man is comfortable with public display of affection. That does not mean that he doesn’t love you. So don’t listen to whatever whose man is doing and demand the same of yours.
Reception and Treatment – I am not from the old school of thought where I believe a woman should tend to her man’s every whim, but ask yourself, what happens to man when your man gets home from work? Are you always whining over irrelevant stuff? Naturally, I will want to keep the ‘yelling time’ to a minimum. See what happens then? I would rather get home at 4am and get yelled at till 6am rather than get home at 11pm to sufurias being thrown my way till 6am.
Change and Sharing – Men are not perfect. You cannot teach an old dog new tricks. And no I am not agreeing to the statement that men are dogs. Men may not behave or do somethings because they lack exposure. A man may not know he can use his phone as light when his lights go out until he does so. In the same vein, women love change. This includes moving things around the house. Men don’t mind change but they take time adjusting to it and it may be frustrating. If women could involve the men in some changes even if it is moving furniture it will make the transition less stressful.
TV Is Not Your Guide Or Priority – What women see on the TV is all acted out, and forcing it to apply in real life is just a waste of time. In addition women give some TV shows too much priority. Without going into details, there is a soap that airs at night after news. Woe unto you if your woman is addicted to this show because if you come home from work at that time, hoping to be asked how your day was or even served food, it will happen after the show is over. So you’ll prefer to get home before or after the show. Getting home during will result to you sleeping mad and maybe hungry. (Speaking from experience. Sorry honey.)
Time Keeping – Time is money, do not waste it. If you need to be picked up at 1pm, let it be 1pm and not 3pm. Women are notorious for messing up a whole day’s plan just because they couldn’t keep time. Be considerate of also resources within your reach. No man likes to see resources been wasted and that includes time.
Learn The Meaning of ‘House Help’ – In this era of house girls, women tend to sit back and relax, they leave the parenting and cooking etc to the house girls. Yes we know and appreciate that you are busy but does doing a meal once a week harm you? For a woman to go as far as not know how the kids or her man is doing and to leave this task to the house girl, it is little wonder that some men leave their wives for the house girls! Take control of your home. Own it.
Trust Your Relationship – Learn to trust your man and your relationship. Don’t be suspicious of him all the time because that, not only disrespects him but assumes that he is not smart enough to know what he has. If your man wanted to cheat he can do so undetected and there is nothing you can do. Men are always on the receiving end. Giving him the third degree all the time is just bad, not to mention an indication of how insecure you are, which is very unattractive even in the most attractive woman! Truth is some women may have your man on their ‘to do’ list but he has the situation under control. Trust that and loosen up a little.
Look Good For Him – When you are dating, women will always look their best. But after marriage, they change how they look. Sleeping with T-shirts and stockings on their heads, not caring how they look in the house… A little attention goes a long way in making your man feel like you are making an effort to look attractive for him. if you are team T-shirts, then wear it during dating and not lingerie. At least then you will be consistent!
Women have the power to have their men love them endlessly. If they only knew how much!
Next time: How To Treat Your Woman
Being a Responsible Dad
By Evans Muriu
Technically, I am not a dad. Which means I have not fathered any children of my own. But ever since my nephew was born, I have taken up the role of daddy. The 7 years that I have played this role have taught me so many things especially the role a father has toward a child’s development.
First, no woman makes a baby by her self. Like it or not, a man is always a part of this equation in one way or another. Why then does it seem okay to leave the lady to do all the upbringing by herself, over and above the 9 months of carrying the baby to term?
Fact is a good number of people walking the streets of the world were what we affectionately refer to as ‘accidents’. Accidents because the few minutes of pleasure were meant to be just that. Pleasure. Unfortunately, nature and all it’s designs turned the minutes of pleasure into life long responsibility. A baby. It is said everything happen for a reason and those ‘accidents’ surprise us by doing big things not only bringing glory to themselves but their family and maybe the nation as a whole.
If a man could spare the few minutes to ‘enjoy’ why can’t he spare the same for the kids? Pardon me, but I know the head in use at that moment is not the thinking one but they say all that happens down there has to start up in the brain.
My nephew’s father, just like a majority of men went MIA after the 9-month transaction was successful. If someone like me was not there to wear the daddy shoes my ‘son’ would not be who he is nor on the path he is now. The young man looks up to me for everything. Anything I do, he will be doing so because his uncle does it. He comes to me when he has problems. He brings my blood to a boil, just like any other kid would a dad but never for one moment have I ever regret anything. I make sure I drop him to school every morning. Spend Sunday’s with him and call him every so often. He knows how to text so he texts me too.
I have seen him pick up so many things from me directly and indirectly. Things I suppose every son picks up from the father. I work till late, come home when my nephew is asleep due to unavoidable circumstances. The thing is, when I think about it, my father used to come home late when I was young. I rarely saw him. Maybe that work thing was instilled in me without my knowing. Kids have a sharp memory and are very kin on things they pick up.
If some men can become men and play the role they are meant to play in a child’s development from birth, maybe, just maybe the spoilt generation wouldn’t exist. We leave so much to the ladies that it compromises the quality of their work and also drains their energy. One day I came home early and noticed my nephew had fallen close to 2 weeks ago and his wound was healing. The fact that I did not know or even notice as soon as it happened really pissed me off. Fathers and especially the current generation make some of the habits which are so wrong look right. Like use of drugs, exchanging women like clothes, worshiping money etc.
In my opinion, if a man, in this case a father, complements the efforts of the mother, the outcome will be a young person who is a responsible and resourceful citizen.
Kenya Blog Awards 2013 Nominee
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